Breaking Free From Co-Dependency And Leaning On The Unshakable։ Diran Avagyan

If you have ever studied Family Systems Theory, you would probably agree that co-dependency is one of the main chapters in family dynamics. Co-dependency is a dysfunctional pattern in which boundaries and limits become blurred due to fear of abandonment, anxiety, or low self-esteem. Simply put, it is an unhealthy dependence that prevents self-differentiation and growth, drowning everyone involved in a swamp of misery.

Disney’s Encanto beautifully illustrates core concepts from Family Systems Theory. The best example of co-dependency in Encanto is Luisa’s relationship with her family—specifically, how she feels responsible for carrying everyone’s burdens at the expense of her own well-being.

Notably, the Bible also provides examples of co-dependency. Some Israelites, remembering their years of slavery, still believed they could not exist without Egypt. The Prophet Isaiah warns them against relying on Egypt, comparing it to a splintered reed that “will pierce the hand of anyone who leans on it” (Isaiah 36:6). This biblical imagery powerfully conveys the dangers of placing trust in unstable or unreliable sources of support.

As a clinical chaplain, I frequently encounter patients who place unrealistic hopes on their support systems, only to struggle deeply when those systems fail them. In everyday life, we witness countless instances where false hopes, overreliance, low self-esteem, lack of boundaries, and poor self-differentiation leave individuals, communities, churches, industries, economies, and even entire nations in helpless situations. Today’s geopolitics provides a stark reminder of how a co-dependent support system can ultimately lead to dysfunction.

God’s intent for humanity is “to have life and have it in abundance” (John 10:10). He desires for us to thrive both individually and collectively in a way that is sustainable, enriching, and empowering. We are called to support and rely on each other in healthy, interdependent ways, rather than fostering co-dependence, which replaces trust in God and diminishes our uniqueness.

During this Great Lent, as we reflect on our attachment styles and relational dynamics, let us remember that God has created us as whole persons, and we are enough. True thriving happens when we celebrate our unique identities and form relationships based on interdependence and reciprocity. Let us break free from unhealthy co-dependency and lean on the unshakable, setting realistic expectations and holding onto the wisdom of Ecclesiastes:
"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).